Thursday, 31 December 2015

2016: A Quick Look Back at a Tumultuous Year

January: In a surprise move at a press conference, Donald Trump’s hair attacked him in a frantic bid to save humanity. The resulting scuffle led to Trump punching himself in the face and becoming concussed, before claiming it was all the fault of immigrant hairpieces coming in from Mexico. After being hospitalised, he abandoned all hope of getting the Republican nomination, declaring the world was not good enough for him, and began planning a private space mission to the dark side of the Sun for reasons best left unexplained.

Saturday, 26 December 2015

A Christmas Gift to Everybody Out There...

Stoke up the fire, light those candles, find that warm armchair and hunker down for a Yuletide tale which thankfully has nothing to do with Christmas, Tiny Tim or the State of the Nation.. 

The Last Swing- a Ghost Story

At the corner on Grange Road, there is a large cherry-tree that comes into blossom at unexpected times of the year. When that happens, people often cross the road to the other side, even if that means taking an extra few minutes to walk along Low Stobhill. Perhaps they find that making that small detour seems to be somehow, slightly less disturbing. Hanging from one branch of the tree is a rope swing that strangely, is never used by the local children. It is sometimes referred to as the place of the McDougals, for reasons often left unexplained. Some researches in Morpeth Library have finally yielded the sad truth, which I set before you now.

Monday, 21 December 2015

A Short History of Pianos and Maritime Safety

In the Summer of 1893, a man took a trip on an ocean liner that was hit one night by a raging hurricane. Next morning, he found himself floating amidst the remains of the broken ship and its contents. Nearby, he saw the lid of the ship’s grand piano gently bobbing about in the water - and clambered on top. It swayed a little, but held his weight. This was where his rescuers found him, three days later – dehydrated, disorientated, but remarkably, still alive.

Tuesday, 15 December 2015

Round Robin Letters- a handy way to see if anyone in your home is actually reading them...

 Just copy, paste in the names of your nearest and dearest, then print. Hours of fun for all the family! 

Yes, it’s those (Insert your own surname) again!!!

We hope it has been a good year for you all. For us, 2015 was a year of changes.

______________ was released early on licence, and says he’s definitely not going back there again, as the ‘skunk’(as he calls it) is of such poor quality. He’s promised to finally get that job he’s been talking about for so many years, just as soon as he can ‘off’ somebody in a job that he fancies doing (whatever that means!!!!). We have to admit- ____________________ is very determined young man, so our hopes are high that he’ll finally settle down and find a good girl and a steady job like his uncle Alphonse.

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Welcome to the Jedi Faith Academy!

The staffroom was full as the Jedi Master strode in, his long hand-woven white robes gently brushing the floor. All the instructors rose to their feet, their coloured robes denoting their rank and subject specialities.

‘May the Force be with you’ intoned the Master. ‘AND ALSO WITH YOU!’ Having got that out of the way, they sat down to swig some Monday morning coffee and sort out the week.
‘Right then,’ said the Master. ‘Item 1. The light sabres. Again! We’ve had three lost limbs and a very nasty incident in the tuck shop.’ A groan went round the room...

Saturday, 5 December 2015

Christmas is coming...

Official Disclaimer:

No animals were harmed or consumed during the writing of this poem. All names have been changed. No resemblance is intended or should be inferred towards any personage, living, or dead. Especially anyone I'm going to meet over the next few weeks.

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Advent 2015- Welcome to the Palace!

Welcome everybody to the Palace of Glittering Delights.

It's all new, there'll be all sorts of goodies appearing over the next few weeks and months. And the pictures will change. Promise.

Feel free to borrow and use any of this material- but if republishing it, please credit me ('Chris Hudson'), and say where it came from, too- I want the followers! If it's for anything more than sharing something amongst a few friends, remember it's always good manners to ask first. And naturally, if you want to use it for anything involving a financial return, do get in touch, and I'm sure we can come to some arrangement. Or I will hunt you down in Christian love.

In the meantime, as our country prepares to decide on adding to the joy of the Middle East even further... a poem.

Advent 2015
As jets are fuelled and armed and parked
Resembling shoals of hungry sharks
Their pilots briefed, with cameras set
For download on the internet
Their targets dig with spades and hands
Dark tunnels deep beneath the sands.
Whilst headline writers set their type
With overflowing clich├ęd hype
Proclaiming this will serve our cause
And force our enemies to pause…
Some refugees plod further West
In search of somewhere safe to rest
For Bethlehem is burning down
A sacrifice for Herod’s crown.