Don’t-Listen-To-That, Listen-To-This! (A Christmas Humbug Hit-list)

When the Titanic sank in 1912, it carried a substantial library, passengers for the use of.

Now let’s just suppose… What if the shelves of that library were stocked with the only copies in existence, of any book or publication in the world? What poetry, novels, songs, music and other what-have-you would you like to be sunk forever in that library? Which excrescences of art do you wish were most definitely not still with us IN ANY FORM, but were instead, justifiably rotting at the bottom of the Atlantic?

As it’s the festive season, allow me to nominate a few Yuletide offerings that really, really, need to go into that timewarp of non-existence- and some replacements....

2016: A Quick Look Back at a Tumultuous Year

January: In a surprise move at a press conference, Donald Trump’s hair attacked him in a frantic bid to save humanity. The resulting scuffle led to Trump punching himself in the face and becoming concussed, before claiming it was all the fault of immigrant hairpieces coming in from Mexico. After being hospitalised, he abandoned all hope of getting the Republican nomination, declaring the world was not good enough for him, and began planning a private space mission to the dark side of the Sun for reasons best left unexplained.

Round Robin Letters- a handy way to see if anyone in your home is actually reading them...

 Just copy, paste in the names of your nearest and dearest, then print. Hours of fun for all the family! 

Yes, it’s those (Insert your own surname) again!!!

We hope it has been a good year for you all. For us, 2015 was a year of changes.

______________ was released early on licence, and says he’s definitely not going back there again, as the ‘skunk’(as he calls it) is of such poor quality. He’s promised to finally get that job he’s been talking about for so many years, just as soon as he can ‘off’ somebody in a job that he fancies doing (whatever that means!!!!). We have to admit- ____________________ is very determined young man, so our hopes are high that he’ll finally settle down and find a good girl and a steady job like his uncle Alphonse.

Christmas is coming...

Official Disclaimer:

No animals were harmed or consumed during the writing of this poem. All names have been changed. No resemblance is intended or should be inferred towards any personage, living, or dead. Especially anyone I'm going to meet over the next few weeks.

Advent 2015- Welcome to the Palace!

Welcome everybody to the Palace of Glittering Delights.

It's all new, there'll be all sorts of goodies appearing over the next few weeks and months. And the pictures will change. Promise.

Feel free to borrow and use any of this material- but if republishing it, please credit me ('Chris Hudson'), and say where it came from, too- I want the followers! If it's for anything more than sharing something amongst a few friends, remember it's always good manners to ask first. And naturally, if you want to use it for anything involving a financial return, do get in touch, and I'm sure we can come to some arrangement. Or I will hunt you down in Christian love.

In the meantime, as our country prepares to decide on adding to the joy of the Middle East even further... a poem.

Advent 2015

As jets are fuelled and armed and parked

Resembling shoals of hungry sharks

Their pilots briefed, with cameras set

For download on the internet

Their targets dig with spades and hands

Dark tunnels deep beneath the sands.

Whilst headline writers set their type

With overflowing clichéd hype

Proclaiming this will serve our cause

And force our enemies to pause…

Some refugees plod further West

In search of somewhere safe to rest

For Bethlehem is burning down

A sacrifice for Herod’s crown.