Tuesday, 19 July 2016

Total Trivia- Take the Toolbox Quiz!

Are you a real man? Possibly not, if you happen to be a woman. On the other hand, are you a real odd-job person, the sort who can turn their hand to fixing and mending anything? Let's see if your tool-box fits the test. You can have one Man Point for every one of these items found either in, or near, your toolbox. And if you're a Woman, you can have a Woman Point. Fair's fair.

OK, here goes...

1) Totally abused screwdriver (straight line head) that has been used to open tins, mix paint, test for electrical current (very bad idea), poke holes in plasterboard, accidentally stab hand, serve as a makeshift chisel and basically BE THERE for you through thick and thin. Oh screwdriver, I love thee, trusted friend.

2) The Hammer- also known as 'the Birmingham Screwdriver'. Used for hammering in steel nails, fingernails, knocking out bits of broken glass prior to breaking-and-entering, Allegedly.

3) Junior hacksaw. It's called Junior because you first encountered it in Junior School woodwork classes, where Miss Smithers didn't have much of a clue and told you that the backward cut was the real one which is totally wrong. Always sure to not go in a straight line. Blades are always bent and blunt. And when did you last buy a replacement blade?

4) Blunt pencils. Because you don't draw a line on wood in ink, and who keeps a pencil sharpener in a tool-box? That would be wrong.

5) Adjustable spanner, also known as the Mole-Grip. Before there were spanners, there were adjustable spanners, it stands to reason. This tool is perfect for shifting any nut of any size, providing you're prepared to see it strip the nut until all you've got is a lovely smooth finish and lots of shiny bits of sharp metal.

6) The IKEA self-assembly key (other manufacturers are available). You've got loads of the things and you don't want to throw them away because you never ever throw anything from a tool-box because that would be wrong too.

7) The spirit level. One of the few genuinely useful bits of DIY kit that has been expressly created to show you how, despite hours of effort, that shelf you put up is still not quite right, despite the way your wall now resembles a piece of Swiss cheese.

8) The cross-head screwdriver, specifically designed to strip the head of any screw it has not been designed to fit. and there are loads of them, believe me.

9) That tool you saw in Lidl or Aldi along the houseware aisle that seemed like a brilliant idea at the time, so you went home, thought about it, came back and bought it, and now it's sitting there, glaring at you, reminding you of your own crass consumer gullibility.

10) The tool bought for you as a present by a well-meaning relative that has as much actual use as a Scottish salad-bowl. She probably saw it in Aldi or Lidl too, thought of you when she saw it, neglecting to wonder a) Does he/she need it? or b) Did they express any desire to have one of these? So you are stuck with it for now.


0- 3  Who does your DIY, then? Don't run with scissors.

4-8   Gets a sense of achievement from re-wiring a plug.

9-10  Pure DIY nerd. Does exactly what it says on the tin.

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Any requests of subjects for future posts in 2016? No idea too stupid for consideration. And yes, I know I am a bad writer, so don't bother saying that unless you can write something better. But maybe there's a topic buzzing around in your head that you'd like to see covered... because I've got a keyboard here, it's loaded with letters, and I ain't afraid to use it.