Thoughts from Ealing Vicarage, 30 years later (About what to do when you’re at the centre of a media firestorm)

It was March 1986, I was in my first teaching job in Birmingham, when something changed the way I read newspapers, listened to the radio, or watched TV. That ‘something’ was the ‘Ealing Vicarage Rape’, the ‘Ealing Vicarage Attack’, or the ‘Terror at the Vicarage’ story, depending on how it was reported.

Roots- a story that isn't about what you think it is...

‘Mister Thomas, there’s someone in the chapel!’

Reverend Edward Thomas looked up from his sermon notes, and smiled.

‘There often is, Molly. That’s why we leave the doors unlocked. We want people to come in.’

She was a befuddled mix of irritation and alarm. ‘I know that, Reverend, but this one’s a bit odd. A large black car pulled up, and then this man just got out, and stepped straight into the chapel. I’ve never seen him before in my life. And he’s wearing such strange clothes!’

2017- a brief look back at a puzzling year

What a difference a year makes! As we approached 2017 just 12 months ago, many of us were sick and tired of the way 2016 had gone. So many celebrity deaths, so much disturbance, rack and ruin, all dominating news networks around the globe! Could 2017 be even worse? Quite frankly, we were all getting a bit nervous.

But what actually happened next is still rather puzzling. Let's go through the events of 2017 as they happened, month by month....

Don’t-Listen-To-That, Listen-To-This! (A Christmas Humbug Hit-list)

When the Titanic sank in 1912, it carried a substantial library, passengers for the use of.

Now let’s just suppose… What if the shelves of that library were stocked with the only copies in existence, of any book or publication in the world? What poetry, novels, songs, music and other what-have-you would you like to be sunk forever in that library? Which excrescences of art do you wish were most definitely not still with us IN ANY FORM, but were instead, justifiably rotting at the bottom of the Atlantic?

As it’s the festive season, allow me to nominate a few Yuletide offerings that really, really, need to go into that timewarp of non-existence- and some replacements....

Fancy using an alternative Christmas Carol?

Our local community had a 'Living Nativity' event yesterday. Loads of people turned up to witness the Christmas story acted out on the streets, accompanied by the singing of carols- and we all ended up back in the church centre to share mince pies, mulled wine, and generally admire the way the donkeys behaved. Yes, we had real donkeys from a local donkey sanctuary. The local children were pretty good, too.

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The Dead Weight (Twisted Bible Stories)

Good grief, the man was heavy. Jude shifted the pole onto his other shoulder, but it didn't help. Ezra was a dead weight, and he was going to be heavy even if you split the load amongst four men carrying him on a stretcher. The stony road was digging into the soles of Jude's feet, and he wished he'd brought thicker sandals. How long had they been carrying him? Jude's shoulders ached with the load, and the others weren't finding it any easier. Why hadn't somebody brought a cart - or a donkey, or anything useful? Jude knew why - because Ezra hadn't bought them for the building company.

He glanced back at Ezra, his stupid old head bobbing up and down with the movements of the stretcher. They were carrying him head first, the miserable old whatsit, so he could see where he'd been, but not where he'd be going (That way, he couldn't try telling them where to go). Ezra was a useless works manager. Just because he'd been longest working with the family firm, the bosses had made him manager of the whole house building project. Him! Jude couldn't believe it. Everyone knew Ezra was a thief except the bosses, who'd been fooled well and proper.

A Strange Experience

A few days ago, I had to go visit my doctor to get something checked out. It was nothing of great concern, but I wanted a medical opinion, so he had a quick look, fixed an appointment to have some more checks, and gave me a prescription. Like I said, it was nothing of great concern, but since the medical advice is always to 'have something looked at', it's what I did... just like we all do. It was all sorted in the space of an hour, and the medication afterwards cost me £8.50. Have you ever stopped to ponder the amazing simplicity of this?