This week's news for Lent

For someone who hasn’t been reading the papers at all this week because of a ‘Lenten fast’, and only half-listened to the radio instead, it’s been a bit disorientating. What have you all been doing with the world whilst my back was turned? Come on, shape up, and start taking some responsibility for yourself. I can’t do this stuff all on my own.

For example, I’ve gathered that in the USA, there’s some sort of thing going on with gravitational waves, Donald Trump’s hair, and the way that somehow, Jeremy Corbyn is now becoming the Democratic candidate for the Presidency. This needs further investigation. Has the hair started attracting like-minded mavericks across the pond to towards a centre of gravity near Trump tower? Are we about to experience a maverick shortage over here? Where will we go for our mavericks in future, and if so, then why oh why, is George Galloway still here?

Meanwhile, Mr Cameron is apparently renegotiating his child benefits. Remember, this is the chap who used his local pub for some emergency child-care. Now, child benefit is undoubtedly a good thing, but I’m not sure it’s worth breaking up the EU over a question of Lech the plumber looking after his family in Warsaw. Thanks to the EU, we haven’t had one of our traditional wars with Germany for over 60 years, and Dad’s Army is now about nostalgia instead of remembering how the Huns don’t like it up’ em. Keeping Scotland British was obviously a Good Thing last year…. so why isn’t keeping Britain European? Boris’s position on all this remains a mystery, as ever, until his own hair works out which way the political wind is blowing (He keeps it like that FOR A REASON).

I shouldn’t know this, but apparently Kate Middleton’s eyebrows have their own agent now. Whoever she is. And for the last few days, nobody famous has died, except for some Chief Justice in the USA that you didn’t know about.

The Church of England’s General Synod has been discussing that weird business of actually trying to get more people through the doors on a Sunday. Perhaps it could try unlocking more of the ones keeping people out.

And NATO’s Mediterranean fleet have stopped trying to wind up the Russians by rattling their cruise missiles, and are now actually going to do something about refugees while, they’re, you know, sort of being in the same area. At last. For now. Until something else happens.

Thought for Today: Lent is the time for working out just how far we really need to go, before asking for help.